Synopsis
Suddenly thrust into the role of church leader after the passing of his mentor, Velcro Cash must contend with an insidious plot by former friend, Rev. Jack Stubbs, to take over the church that was left to him. But will saving his mentor’s dream come at too high a price?
A Satire, a Comedy and a Tragedy in Four Acts
Based on Track Road Theatre’s New Year’s 2005 Junkanoo rush “Please Jesus Gimme one Eskalade” written by Ian Strachan and Ward Minnis which was in turn inspired by Ian’s dream…
Act One: Scene I
In the Church yard after a service. The lighting moves with the action, which means that a colored spot light will illuminate the area with dialogue, but the rest of the stage is still visible and not black. The entire stage is abuzz with activity that gradually dwindles towards the end of the scene when only Velcro and Jack remain on stage.
Sister One: Dats true nah Brother. I could feel that one in ma spine.
Sister Two: Yeah man! Cash, you does make the word of God come alive nah!
Velcro Cash: Thanks bruddas, but I only is da mout-piece.
Sister Jacobs: Bishop Rolle mussie dead proud a you boy.
Chile, I could remember when you was just a lost chile out there in the world. Fornicatin’ wit any ting in a skirt or tight-up jeans.
(the mood around her changes into one of embarrassment, yet she continues unaware)
Tiefin ya Grumar money out she purse and she life savins out from unda she mattress, wastin your life hangin wit dem no-good fellas who does still be sittin on da corner, playin number under da street light on broughm street…
(Brother One puts a hand on her shoulder and whispers something in her ear. Velcro is shame. Jacobs looks at Brother One in disbelief)
How you mean? Embarrass? (suck teet) I just trying to show yinna how da lord does work,
(to stage front – for audience) An how wonderful dat redeemer is. Yall don’t know that the firs ga be las and da las ga be firs? See how he take our Reverend Velcro Cash from out da gutter and bring him up on high and now he is one assistant pastor a we church: Unda da Tambrin tree full one hundred percent Gospel Church of God and Christ the King?
Crowd: Amen. Yeah. Sister Jacobs. Preach it.
Sister Jacobs: [crowd behind her moves forward and now all are center stage] See, that’s how the Lord does work. Since we Bishop Rolle, who did start this church 40 years ago this Satday, since he get sick sudden what we was gonna do if Velcro Cash wasn’t here?
Sister Two: We’d a been lost!
Brother One: Like sheep without a shepherd!
Sister One: The Lord does work in mysterious ways!
Velcro Cash: (coming now to the front of the crowd suddenly) Na yinna don’t forget bout Reverend Stubbs. [suck teet comes from some of the crowd – Sister Jacobs especially] Dat’s Rolle firstborn. It ain’t only me the Lord put in charge a your souls.
Brother Two: How Bishop doing Rev?
Velcro Cash: [puts arm on Brother Two’s shoulder and looks solemn] We mus pray hard my Brudda. We must pray hard.
Jack Stubbs: [Enters from the side with a loud noise. Dressed as sharp as a tack.] Velcro Cash!! Boy ya preach dead good taday! Mos good as me! Ha ha!
Cash and Stubbs embrace
Velcro Cash: Tanks Stubbs. I just does learn from da best and Jesus does take care a da rest!
Jack Stubbs: Ya gat dat right! At least bout dat bes part. Ha! An how we Bishop doing, I know ya been…
Sister Jacobs: You ain’t gone ta see him yaself?!
Jack Stubbs: I been busy tending to dis boistrous flock my sister, just like Bishop Rolle tell me ta do! An, an why you wasn’t here last Sunday?
Sister Jacobs: My TV on static could preach better than you!
(Velcro Cash puts a hand on her and gives her a stern look for this outburst)
Jack Stubbs: Ha. Ha. you funny na. I bet you does be watchin Miles… Ha. But I tink I ga go visit we Bishop tonight. (puts on some airs) That man was, I mean he is the world ta me. It was he that did show me dat Lord in all a he true colors. One word from him and it would ease my pain…[his cell phone rings] Ahh… excuse me a minute…
Sister Jacobs: I know dat ain’t Jesus!
[Stubbs moves over to the left of the stage and examines his phone]
Velcro Cash: Don’t ride Rev Stubbs so hard Sister Jacobs – he workin’ hard – the Lord using him.
Sister Jacobs: Using? Why you can’t see Velcro? That’s one ting bout you. I don’t know if it’s a curse or a blessing.
Velcro Cash: Anyhow, come by this evening to church, I organizing a prayer meeting, we gattie pray that Bishop make it through another night.
Sister Jacobs: He doin that bad?
They continue talking but now in pantomime and gesture, the spotlight leaves them and shines on Jack Stubbs, stage left, who is on the phone still. Now we can hear him.
Jack Stubbs: Girl is a good ting you ain’t call me in church. I forget to put this thing on vibrate. So what you sayin?
(looks around) You find out dat ting fa me yet?
Den what you call me for? An on a Sunday too!
Hey… what you say?
How you mean, Nobody get it?
You just too dumb to find it! … Alright, alright, I ain mean it like that … it don’t matter no way. I did just wan make sure that’s all. But I ga get my tings. I know dat! …
What you say? You see him? Your uncle cousin sister does work in da ICU. Alright… so how he look?
… good, good. I mean, that’s terrible. So not too much longer then…
What foolishness you talkin, yeah, yeah, you ga get yours too …
(by now a female church member has come up to him and is waiting for him to finish his conversation, he puts his hand on the receiver and speaks to the person waiting)
Dis my aunty from Atlanta – Uncle ain’t doing so well.
(returning to his call)
… alright den I gone. I ga call you later.
(turning his attention to Sister Three)
Sorry to keep you waiting. You know what da book say: Good tings come to dem dat does wait…
Light moves to centre stage to a group of women
Sister Four: You seerus Bishop doin that bad?
Sister Two: I know that they wasn’t accepting no visitors – but Lord!
Brother Two: Das so sudden man!
Sister Four: An he did look so good for a seventy plus year ole man.
Sister Jacobs: Das how hard da devil does be working dese days! Yinna gattie come to da prayer meetin tonight!
Brother Two: Yeah Sister we gattie ask the Lord for more time.
Sister Two: Dis church need him still. Dis can’t be his time.
Sister Four: I hope it ain’t… But who you tink ga take over the church if, ya know, the worse happen?
Sister Jacobs: Chile don’t say that!
Brother Two: Don’t put no mout on Bishop!!
Sister Four: I ain’t puttin no mout on nobody. I just askin. Cause I just don’t tink Bishop did ever make IT clear.
Sister Jacobs: What you talkin bout?
Brother Two: He ain’t gat no chirren if das what you meaning.
Sister Four: (whispering with the air of conspiracy) I hear he ga ge it ta Stubbs
Sister Two: Stop ya storyin!
Brother Two: The building too?
Sister Four: No ya fool! Only the gate. (to which Brother Two realizes he has been insulted)
Sister Jacobs: I hope dat ain’t no true, cause I’d have ta find myself one next church.
Sister Two: Rev Stubbs ain’t that bad Sister Jacobs.
Sister Four: He don’t look bad neither…
Sister Jacobs: What!
Sister Four: An he gat that nice deep voice. Make me catch da spirit. [says with sauce]
Brother Two: [nostalgically] Yeah, I know what you mean.
(the group looks at him curiously – then he realizes that he has made a faux pas and tries to hide his embarrassment)
Sister Jacobs: Yinna head cyann be no good. Dat man don’t preach! He just does tickle ya ears and tell ya what you want to hear. Dat ain’t how Bishop used ta…
Brother Two: Yeah dats true nah! Rev Cash does preach like Bishop! (no one hears him)
Sister Four: But times does change ya know, Rev Stubbs just movin with the times,
Sister Jacobs: Da word a God don’t change
Sister Two: Dat’s true. (says along with Brother Two)
Sister Four: Any how Sister I gattie go cook fa my husband. What time you say dis prayer meetin is?
Sister Two: I comin too! I want my Bishop back.
Brother Two: Yeah, cause I ain’t ready fa no change.
[Movement continues, and now attention and lights shift to stage right where we see Velcro Cash and Peter Cunningham]
Velcro Cash: Buhy Peter, I glad you coulda make it today! Dats three weeks straight, dat has to be a record for you. So what you tink about the service today?
Peter C: This Jesus ting ain’t so bad you know. [moves closer to Cash and speaks a little softer] An I believe one gal in da choir was geein me da eye man!
Velcro Cash: Ha Hai! Nah Don’t you come here an corrupt our sisters! [Pauses thoughtfully] But I believe I know which one you talking bout.
Peter: You seerus? She tell you something eh? What her name is man Cash. You gattie help ya boy out man.
Velcro Cash: Somebody mighta tell me something, but I can’t remember right now…
Peter: Man I taught you was a man a God and you here stringin me along like dis.
Velcro Cash: Well alright. But is bad news Peter!
Peter: Tell me man.
Velcro Cash: See we gat one sister in the choir (Peter leans close to hear) but she cross eye. (Peter sucks his teet) So she coulda been looking at you and maybe not.
Peter: I tought you was seerus man! Dis gal ain’t cross eye.
Velcro Cash: I was just jokin with ya man. We ain’t gat no cross eye sisters in the choir. Least not that I know of.
Peter: Youse a joker na.
Velcro Cash: Seerus talking though Peter. I wan ask you something. You want come with me later this afternoon to go visit Bishop Rolle?
Peter: [eyes open wide] Seerus talking?
Velcro Cash: Yeah. I seerus bout this. See. I had one vision the other day. I believe the Lord callin you to do things. An I want you to see a real man of God up close.
Peter: Das a seerus vibe dread. Bishop Rolle do so much for my old man. An I never get to meet him personal. I just hear all the stories… [gets quiet]
Velcro Cash: I goin round 5 or so.
Peter: Yeah I comin.
Velcro Cash: An choir practice is Tuesday. (Big smile on Peter’s face) We need some more bass in there. Just keep ya hands ta yaself!
Lights move over to Stubbs who is now at stage right with Paul Granger.
Jack Stubbs: Brudda Granger – I tell you – you don’t sell da type a car I want. What I could do in an Eskalade? My driver don’t like them high car.
Paul Granger: All a da res is some Chivvy and dem high-back Yarrus.
Jack Stubbs: Paul, when you get some Infiniti or Jaguar let me know. Till den, is better you just pay ya tithes in cash or cheque like you been doin
Paul Granger: Man da economy ain’t all da best you know, I don’t have that kind a liquidity to keep givin cash like that…
Jack Stubbs: Man, Granger, look at this church. How long we been building this now?
Paul Granger: I tell Bishop he did build this ting too big…
Jack Stubbs: Man don’t talk bout da Bishop an he in he sick bed. What you tink dis is? – [gesturing towards the church upstage] See da man had a vision. You know how long he had plans for dat community center. He was ahead a he time.
Paul Granger: It still too big
Jack Stubbs: Is on us to finish this.
Paul Granger: You sure Cash don’t want one Eskalade?
Jack Stubbs: I done ask him couple a times man Paul, he ain’t want nothing like that. You know how he go.
Paul Granger: [sighs and sucks teet] Alright den. Where Deacon Dean is? You want me gee the check to him or to you?
Jack Stubbs: Gee it to me, cause I ga see Dean later.
As Paul Granger takes out his bank book to sign a new cheque, the lighting moves over to stage left.
Sister Jacobs: Lord, I best go home now, I believe them cats a mine probably wondering if I still livin.
Mrs. Stubbs: [laughs] You an your cats. How much you gat now?
Sister Jacobs: Fourteen an they still breeding. I tell them say that when da Lord say ‘multiply’ he wasn’t talking to dem.
Mrs. Stubbs: Ha. You is a something else na.
Sister Jacobs: You coming to the prayer meeting for Bishop we having tonight?
Mrs. Stubbs: No, I didn’t hear about it.
Sister Jacobs: Rev Cash call it kinda spur of the moment, but we prayin for the Lord to help Bishop make it another day.
Mrs. Stubbs: What time is it going to be?
Sister Jacobs: Round eightish
Mrs. Stubbs: I’ll have to ask my husband, he say he was going to do some counseling later this evening. Plus he don’t like me driving alone at night.
Sister Jacobs: Counselling? (suck teet) He should be there tonight any how. You just need to ask him.
Mrs. Stubbs: I will. I guess I’ll see you later tonight then.
Sister Jacobs: Yeah chile, you go to ya husband an let me go see to my Henry.
Mrs. Stubbs: Henry?
Sister Jacobs: Das the main one a my cats dem. [They laugh – Sister Jacobs exits stage left]
Mrs. Stubbs: Jack, Jack. There you are. [She locates her husband Jack Stubbs talking to Sister One on stage right and approaches him. The amount of people on stage should be getting thinner now] Did you hear about the prayer meeting tonight for Bishop Rolle?
Jack Stubbs: (Turning looking a bit surprised) Tonight? I taught it was ga be Monday.
Mrs. Stubbs: Hello Sister. Sorry to interrupt. It’s a special prayer meeting tonight for Bishop.
Jack Stubbs: Velcro mussie don’t like how Bishop lookin… Yeah, yeah. Of course, we’ll be there.
Mrs. Stubbs: What about your counseling?
Jack Stubbs: Don’t worry about that, we’ll go to the prayer meeting.
Mrs. Stubbs: Ok then. Alright sister. I’ll go wait in the car then for you Jack.
Jack Stubbs: Alright darling, I ga be right there. Make sure the driver keep the AC goin this time. I don’t want you getting hot in there [smiles as he watches her leave. Mrs. Stubbs exit stage left]
[to himself] Cash always messing with my schedule. [more to Sister One than himself] I guess it’s postponed.
Sister One: That’s what it look like don’t it. Just gee me the money now. My child need pampers.
Jack Stubbs: Your child? You ga get that later. I gat ta deal with you first.
Sister One: Whatever.
[Velcro Cash comes over from wherever the director had placed him]
Velcro Cash: Sister, how you is?
Sister One: Hi Rev Cash. I fine.
Velcro Cash: How ya Grumar doing?
Sister One: She fine Rev, she say she comin next week.
Velcro Cash: I hope she feel better. Sis, you don’t mind if I borrow this man for a minute eh?
Sister One: Trust me; you could have him. [Stubbs bristles] I was just leaving any how. Bye Rev. [She exits stage right and Stubbs watches with a mixture of anger and lust, the stage should be bare or close to it now]
Velcro Cash: Alright Sis.
I want talk to you bout this prayer meeting tonight. I know I ain’t really tell you bout it before. But I see Bishop last night and the doctor’s ain’t too happy with how he doing. I tried to call you last night but ya phone was busy…
Jack Stubbs: You ain’t want to call me later eh? My wife waitin for me in the car.
Velcro Cash: Let me walk you there. You is a hard man to catch you know.
[Stubbs is not thrilled, but resigns himself with a sigh and they start to exit stage left]
So tell me what scripture lesson you tink I should use for tonight? I was tinking about this one in Matthew, you remember when the Lord was bringing in da disciples for the first time…
Curtain closes. Lights go to black.